Name

Team

Nickname(s)

Origin

Aviles, Mike

Kansas City Royals

The Cowboy

This is a reference to Aviles’s batting stance, in which he whips his bat around like a lasso and moves his hips like he’s riding a horse.

Butler, Billy

Kansas City Royals

Mr. Potato Head

Billy Butler is extremely ugly, and his head is very spud-like, so I started calling him Mr. Potato Head.

Callaspo, Alberto

Kansas City Royals

Calypso

Janet saw this guy’s name and thought it actually was Calypso at first, so the name stuck.

Carroll, Jamey

Cleveland Indians

Creepy Elf Guy

He looks like a creepy elf. Not much else to it.

Choo, Shin-Soo

Cleveland Indians

The Asian

The only Asian position player on the team, we could never remember his name so Janet took to calling him The Asian.

Danks, John

Chicago White Sox

Danks for Nothing

I don’t like Danks, so I substituted “Danks” for “Thanks” in the phrase “Thanks for nothing.”

DeJesus, David

Kansas City Royals

DeJesus (pronouncing the J)

I just jokingly started calling this guy DeJesus (with the J being pronounced instead of sounding like an H).

Figgins, Chone

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Chone (2 syllables) Faggot

Chone is actually pronounced “Shawn,” but I saw the name and assumed you said it with 2 syllables Cho-Nay. Janet saw his last name and thought it was Faggot at first, so we just put our 2 incorrect assumptions together.

Fukudome, Kosuke

Chicago Cubs

Fuck-U-Dome

This nickname is just how I think his name should be pronounced.

Guillen, Ozzie

Chicago White Sox

Outrageously Gay

Janet and Howie had been looking up the sign language sign for “awkward” and came across one for “outrageously gay” which was hilarious. I commented that I thought we should nickname someone Outrageously Gay, but we couldn’t think of a Twins player it worked for. Then I asked if there was anyone with the initials O.G., and Janet came up with Ozzie Guillen. It’s also funny because he is one of the least gay people I can imagine.

Hannahan, Jack

Oakland Athletics

Hannahannahannahan

I just think his name is really funny because it only contains 3 letters. I was talking to Matt about how amusing it would be if Hannahan had a daughter named Hannah or Anna, which kind of led to me adding extra syllables to his name.

Hart, Corey

Milwaukee Brewers

The Chin

Hart has a gigantic chin. So I call him The Chin.

Ibanez, Raul

Philadelphia Phillies

The Mixer

Ibanez looks like he’s mixing up batter when he is at the plate.

Inge, Brandon

Detroit Tigers

Inge (rhymes with thingie instead of hinge)

Inge’s last name rhymes with “hinge” but I thought it was pronounced as rhyming with “thingie,” so that’s how I said it.

Jakubauskas, Chris

Seattle Mariners

Ol' Crazy Name

He has a crazy name. It's sort of self-explanatory.

LaHair, Bryan

Seattle Mariners

LaHairball

Since he wasn’t a Twin, I already disliked this guy, so it wasn’t much of a stretch to call him LaHairball. It also seemed like he would choke every time he got to the plate, which made the nickname more appropriate.

Lee, Cliff

Cleveland Indians

Scary Mofo

Janet, Matt and I were going to a Twins game, and I had been reading before the game about how good Cliff Lee was. I told them to assume we were going to lose because Lee was one scary mofo. The name just stuck after that (even though we ended up winning that game).

Leyland, Jim

Detroit Tigers

The Kneecap Basher

Leyland is the manager for the Tigers, and I just think he is incredibly scary. I told Janet that he looked like he would take out your kneecaps with a crowbar, thus The Kneecap Basher.

Logan, Boone

Atlanta Braves

Daniel Boone Logan

During a game last year, I rapidly nicknamed 3 White Sox pitchers in a row. This one made me think of Daniel Boone, and then I thought about Before and After in Jeopardy!, where the middle word is the connection between the first and second words. So I called him Daniel Boone Logan and made up an imaginary Jeopardy! answer for him. “This explorer of Kentucky is also a pitcher for the Chicago White Sox”

Masset, Nick

Cincinnati Reds

Masset the Basset

Masset was pitching for the White Sox when I nicknamed him (he was 1 of the 3 pitchers I nicknamed in a row). This moniker was chosen simply because his name rhymed with Basset, so that was what popped into my head.

Meche, Gil

Kansas City Royals

Gilgamesh

After I heard his name, the Epic of Gilgamesh jumped into my head, so I just called him Gilgamesh.

Navarro, Dioner

Tampa Bay Rays

Fat Catcher

He’s fat, and he’s a catcher. Not much to it. After I started calling him this, I actually came across another website which called him the Fat Catcher, and I was highly amused.

Ordonez, Magglio

Detroit Tigers

Kiki

Since Inge is on his team, Matt thought we should name somebody Kiki in honor of our mother, who used to say, “Kikiflies no hurt Ingie.” (She called herself Ingie, and she was afraid of butterflies, which she referred to as kikiflies). I suggested Magglio because he’s kind of scary and doesn’t look at all like a Kiki.

Polanco, Placido

Detroit Tigers

Pumpkinhead

Polanco has a bizarrely-shaped head, which I think looks like a pumpkin.

Posada, Jorge

New York Yankees

The No-Chin

After I started calling Corey Hart The Chin, I was watching Posada and noticed that he had a very weak chin that disappeared into his neck. So I started calling him The No-Chin.

Rodriguez, Ivan

Houston Astros

Bartok

I think Rodriguez looks like the bat Bartok from Anastasia, so that’s what I call him.

Saltalamacchia, Jarrod

Texas Rangers

Salty

The guy’s name is the longest in Major League Baseball. It actually forms a semi-circle on the back of his uniform. It’s pretty natural to shorten it.

Sheffield, Gary

Detroit Tigers

Windshield Wipers

Sheffield’s bat when he is batting flaps back and forth just like windshield wipers when he bats.

Swisher, Nick

New York Yankees

Swishy, Fucking Swishy

Just a shortened version of his name. Then I added “Fucking” on because he pisses me off.

Teagarden, Taylor

Texas Rangers

Coffee Cultivated Patch of Dirt, CCPOD

In the tradition of Teahen being called CoffeeChicken, so I dubbed Teagarden Coffee Cultivated Patch of Dirt. CCPOD is just an acronym of the nickname which is easier to say.

Teahen, Mark

Kansas City Royals

CoffeeChicken

I saw his name spelled out before I heard it pronounced, so I saw it as two different parts, “tea” and “hen.” I substituted “coffee” and “chicken” for these words and dubbed him CoffeeChicken.

Teixeira, Mark

New York Yankees

Mark "Jackass" Texteria

My mom thought his name was Texteria, while I think he looks like (and is) a jackass.