The Twins kicked off their second half of the season last night versus the Rangers, but I thought I would take this opportunity to look back at the first half. So enjoy!

Top 10 Most Memorable Games (Keep in mind this is not necessarily memorable in a good way...)

1. Game #5 (W 12-5 at White Sox): Joe Crede's first game against his former team, he homered in his first at bat. Also featured some memorable walk-up music in the form of "All Out of Love", "She's Like the Wind" and "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go".
2. Game #12 (W 11-9 vs. Angels): Jason Kubel hits for the cycle, capping it off with a grand slam in the bottom of the 8th. We were down 5 runs going into the inning and rallied for 7 to get the win.
3. Game #23 (W 7-5): Magic Mauer's first game back from the DL, and he hits one out of the park on his first swing of the season.
4. Game #34 (W 14-10 in 13 innings vs. Tigers): Joe Crede hits a walk-off grand slam to push the Twins over the top. This game also featured multiple blown leads from Perkins and the bullpen that we kept climbing back from.
5. Game #38 (L 3-2 in 10 innings at Yankees): The Yankees have their 3rd walk-off victory in a row against us, despite Joe Mauer's awesome diving tag of Brett Gardner at home plate.
6. Game #42 (W 20-1 at White Sox): The Twins explode for 20 runs to snap a brutal 6 game losing streak.
7. Game #43 (W 11-3 vs. Brewers): Michael Cuddyer hits for the cycle.
8. Game #49 (L 3-1 vs. Red Sox): The Mad Ejector (AKA Todd Tichenor) ejects our catcher and manager in the top of the 7th with little provocation before ejecting the Red Sox catcher and manager in the bottom of the same inning for arguing balls and strikes.
9. Game #53 (W 4-3 vs. Indians): Mauer goes 3 for 3 with a home run and 3 RBIs, Gomez has a great catch in center field, Harris and Morneau combine for a great play, and (most importantly), Harris dislocates Asdrubal Cabrera's shoulder with his ass.
10.  Game #81 (L 11-9 in 16 innings vs. Tigers): It was 16 innings! What's more memorable than that? And we lost, that kind of makes it stick out in your head as well.

Top 10 Quotations: Players/Coaches/Managers (Mainly just random quotations I enjoyed) 

1. Game #32: "Coming in he's a little different, you know? He kind of waddles in." - Ron Gardenhire on Delmon Young.
2. Game #33: "If he keeps hitting them there, we're going to have to rename it the Mauer Porch." - Justin Morneau, regarding Mauer's tendency to hit home runs to the left-field home run porch.
3. Game #39: "I can't wait to get out of here. Not just the stadium, but the whole city." - Denard Span, after the Twins were swept by the Yankees in New York.
4. Game #51: "They have an in-game host, a DJ, strobe lights, cowbells. I feel like I'm at a rave, not at a baseball game." - Kevin Slowey, describing Tropicana Field.
5. Game #65: "You try to find the right situation to put him in ballgames, but when you get to this point, there's no right situation." - Ron Gardenhire, on Jesse Crain, foreshadowing his demotion to Rochester.
6. Game #72: "Dickey was huge." - Ron Gardenhire. I couldn't really do this without a good unintentional double entendre, now could I?
7. Game #82: "He's one of those dirtballs that just knows how to beat you." - Tigers manager Jim Leyland, regarding Nick Punto.
8. Game #87: "They like to play behind him. They get a lot of action." - Joe Mauer, on the defense liking to play with Blackburn on the mound. Okay, make that without 2 good unintentional double entendres.
9. Game #88: "I think that's my first win here in the last 10 years I've been managing the team. I never have a nice vodka. Every time I go out [in Minnesota] I get drunk because I'm [upset]." - Ozzie Guillen
10.  Game #89: "We can definitely play better than we've played. We haven't really gotten a hot streak going or played how we are capable of. We are a team that can get hot and I think we have a chance to win this division." - Justin Morneau

Top 10 Quotations: Everyone Else (Once again, just random quotations that amused me)

1. Game #32: "Hawks will want..." - Janet, Spoonerizing "Walks will haunt".
2. Game #33: "It will probably spontaneously combust tomorrow; they can't stand success." - Matt, on the bullpen's relatively good outing.
3. Game #34: "I told you they couldn't stand success. Do you see the crater? It's huge." - Matt, after the bullpen proved his prediction correct the next game.
4. Game #56: "He should be wearing a 'Gardenhire for Tolbert' t-shirt." - Matt, after Gardy got upset over a ball Tolbert put in play being ruled an error instead of a hit.
5. Game #69: "He was fumbling around like a teenager with his first girlfriend." - Me, after Brendan Harris made an awkward tag on a stolen base attempt.
6. Game #70: "So even though Gardy threw Harris up the bus, he isn't benched?" - Janet, apparently not realizing that you throw people under the bus, not up it.
7. Game #74: "Some fucker needs to get a hit. His average is falling fast. It's Joe Mauer, by the way." - Janet, dissing Magic.
8. Game #74: "It's your fault. You wanted to see the fucking slide!" - Janet, blaming me for the Brewers' home runs in the game after I commented prior to the series that I wanted to see the slide.
9. Game #81: "Oh wow. This is rather graphic. This is not family-friendly anymore. This is borderline pornographic." - Matt, referring to Harris's somewhat obscene-looking stretching routine with the trainer.
10.  Game #88: An exchange during the game, between my sister and me. We were both speaking from Punto's perspective during his first plate appearance.
    • Me: "I'm going to watch that pitch cuz I like balls."
    • Janet: "Especially Gardy's."

Top 10 Suck-Assiest Twins of the 1st Half

1. Alexi Casilla (10 SAPotGs): He almost immediately earned the nickname the Black Hole. And it was completely deserved.
2. Nick Punto (7): Horrible offense, bad baserunning, tendency to injure himself on headfirst slides, need I say more?
3. Jesse Crain (7): He's currently taken up residence in Rochester after the Twins finally realized that he couldn't hold a lead (be it 10 runs or 2). Sadly he was given way too many chances before the move was made, and he lost numerous games for us before his demotion.
4. Matt Tolbert (3): The most offensively pathetic of a trio of offensively pathetic infielders, Princess nonetheless received gratuitous praise for his bunting skills.
5. Delmon Young (6): Possibly the worst every day player in the MLB when combining offense and defense.
6. Scott Baker (6): Baker was supposed to be our ace, and instead he has given up a ridiculous 18 home runs while racking up 7 losses.
7. Michael Cuddyer (11): His numbers look good, but true Twins fans have come to recognize his feebleness in high leverage situations. Mr. Anti-Clutch indeed.
8. Francisco Liriano (4): Leads the team in strikeouts, but also in losses. He has flashes of brilliance followed by agonizing outings with skyrocketing pitch counts.
9. Luis Ayala (3): Signed to be a possible set-up man, he blew 3 saves before being bumped down to earlier innings. His lack of talent led to his release.
10.  Sean Henn (1): Don't let his lack of SAPotGs fool you, Henn was terrible. He managed to blow a save and lose 3 games in only 11 innings pitched. That's an impressive rate of suck.

Top 10 Crazy Predictions for the Second Half

1. Michael Cuddyer hits 20 more home runs...but all of them will be solo shots in blow outs. All of the other Twins players will petition to have Least Valuable Player become an official award.
2. After suffering multiple concussions from crashing into walls, getting squashed in revolving doors, and bunting balls into his head, Carlos Gomez retires from baseball and become a balloon animal artist.
3. Joe Mauer hits over .400. Later it will be revealed that the Twins were using a combination of bribery and blackmail to get opposing pitchers to throw BP fastballs and opposing players to let balls get through the infield or drop in the outfield. The scandal will result in the complete overhaul of the front office. Mauer denies all knowledge of the scam, and MLB throws him a parade to honor his integrity.
4. Joe Crede is put on the DL after being attacked by a feral cat mysteriously stuffed in his locker. Brian Buscher is later arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. Ron Gardenhire asks if the cat is available as an infielder. "Boy, was he battling his tail off! That kitten sure had some grit."
5. Scott Baker rattles off 8 wins in a row after the outfielders start sitting on the top of the outfield wall in order to prevent home runs. Major League Baseball finally puts an end to this after multiple teams protest, and Baker goes winless the rest of the season. 
6. Nick Punto goes on the DL after sliding headfirst into 1st base and breaking his right hand. While on a rehab assignment, he breaks his other hand doing the same thing. A heartbroken Gardy tries to institute a rule-change to replace all bases with actual feather pillows.
7. Denard Span, sick of being stranded on base, requests to be benched until "you know, an actual, you know, professional hitter, you know, bats behind me instead of, you know, all these automatic outs".
8. R.A. Dickey legally adds Ulysses to the beginning of his name and starts going by U.R.A. Dickey. When asked why, he says, "People are going to make the joke anyway. At least this way they know I thought of it first."
9. Alexi Casilla continues to bat sub-.200. Harris, benched 80 percent of the time, finally snaps in September after Casilla strikes out for the 4th time in a game and begins to bludgeon him with a dictionary and a bat. Harris is committed to a mental institution.
10.  Joe Nathan doesn't blow a save the rest of the regular season. Unfortunately, after the Twins make the playoffs, he blows 3 saves in a row versus the Yankees. The Twins refuse to play any games against New York in the 2010 season, claiming, "It's just as unfair as that stupid coin toss! They've cursed us or something. That has to be against the rules!"

Beth's Awards for Current Players

• Scott Baker: Most Likely to Improve (or perhaps Player Beth Really Really Hopes Will Improve)
• Nick Blackburn: Best Starting Pitcher
• R.A. Dickey: Best Sexually Suggestive Name
• Brian Duensing: Most Likely to Make Me Remember Luis Ayala with Fondness
• Matt Guerrier: Most Likely to Have His Arm Fall Off
• Bobby Keppel: Biggest Surprise (in a good way)
• Francisco Liriano: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the Twins
• Jose Mijares: Most Bovine
• Kevin Mulvey: Scariest (mostly due to lack of knowledge about him)
• Joe Nathan: Most Likely to Make an Opposing Player Piss His Pants
• Glen Perkins: Worst Facial Hair
• Kevin Slowey: Most Worrisome Injury
• Anthony Swarzak: Best Debut
• Joe Mauer: Most Magical Player
• Mike Redmond: Least Likely to Hit a Home Run
• Brian Buscher: Most Likely to Have a Numb Ass
• Alexi Casilla: Biggest Surprise (in a bad way)
• Joe Crede: Most Fragile
• Brendan Harris: Most Valuable Butt
• Justin Morneau: Most Canadian
• Nick Punto: Most Likely to Injure Himself
• Michael Cuddyer: Most Likely to Strikeout with the Bases Loaded
• Carlos Gomez: The Human Blooper Reel
• Denard Span: Most Likely to Overuse "You Know" as a Phrase
• Delmon Young: Most Awkward Looking
• Jason Kubel: Best DH